Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Hell Weekend Do-Over

I'm a glutton for punishment. It's the only logical explanation. You recall hell weekend, right? I've agreed to a do-over.

Shaking my head in disbelief.

Tomorrow morning we will load beach chairs and sand toys, suitcases and duffle bags into my new car (yup, I finally got the new car. Another post, another day.) I will drive us nearly three hours to attempt to have a relaxing few days.

I used to be a faithful Oprah viewer and I can still hear her, "When you know better, you do better." I'm not sure if this exactly falls under that quote, but I know better than to expect the next few days to be a breeze. In order to fully embrace realism, I give to you my expectations for the next few days.

  • I expect Alice to force herself to stay awake on the ride to the beach. We will leave home at nap time and do everything under the sun to provide optimal sleeping conditions. She still will not sleep. Hatta and I will threaten severe punishment if she doesn't allow her body to fall asleep. No nap will be taken by Alice. She will start our "vacation" tired and irritable. Hatta and I will start our "vacation" stressed and on edge.
  • Alice will not eat for two and a half days. Food will be prepared for her that isn't identical in color, texture, and consistency to the foods I prepare for her at home. Family members will beg Alice to eat, convincing her that she is running the show and calling the shots. I will spend double the days when we return home reminding Alice that she is in fact NOT in charge.
  • Sleep will be lost. Alice will stay up too late and wake up too early. Unfortunately, the same will be true for Hatta and I. Sleep deprived Alice will become grumpier and bossier as the days pass. I will spend an equal number of days trying to help her catch up on sleep when we return home.
Oh friends, I think I'm having my very own Aha! moment right this second. Pertaining to this trip, I think I fully understand the quote. I know better than to expect this trip to go smoothly, so I won't. I will not stress about it. I know how it's going to shake down, why do I get upset when it goes exactly how I predicted?

So let me try again, now that I'm all enlightened and shit. My expectations for the next few days...

  • I will enjoy the long drive in my new car. I will caress the new leather and learn the feel of all the buttons. I will provide Alice with hours of video to watch in hopes of not hearing a peep out of her.
  • I will eat well. Screw everyone else!
  • I will sunbath on the beach and allow everyone else to ensure Alice's safety.
  • I will drink good beer and wine. No Coors light and Ménage a Trois Red for me.
  • I will drink good beer and wine often.
  • I will drink a lot of good beer and wine.
Wish me luck!


  1. Please have some good beer and wine. It helps with not letting all the other shit ruin your trip.

  2. Have a wonderful vacation and drink up!!! Try not to stress about the things you can't control. Thanks for stopping by my blog. LOVE your header!!!!

    1. I'm working on the control issues. Beer seems to help with that.

  3. Good luck!!! Pack a bottle of scotch for the drive- it'll relax everyone in the car (well, only the passengers should be drinking. Let Alice drive. It'll give her a feeling of power...) As for Alice eating, don't worry about the fuss. She'll eat when she gets hungry enough. Let her know that meals are available at meal times and if she doesn't want to eat it then, a plate will wait for her in the fridge. Don't give in (I was that child, people hated me, I was going for world domination, somehow I survived.)

  4. I'm hoping for your sake that the glass is half fun with this one. Preferably half full of strong alcohol.

    1. Half "fun"?? Not what I meant but it works.