"I have a joke Mama. Wanna hear it?" Alice asked lying next to me in bed.
"Tell it fast, it's time to sleep," I told her.
"Witch bitch. Isn't that funny Mama? Cause witch rhymes with bitch."
I had no idea what to say. The only funny part of the joke was hearing my four year old say bitch.
"You know that buh word you said after witch?"
"We don't say that word, Alice."
"Why not?" she asked. With no reason up to this point, we hadn't ventured into curse word territory yet.
"You know how we don't say hate or stupid because they aren't nice words? The b word is like that. It's a mean word," I tried explaining.
"Well then, it's okay because the witch is mean. So witch bitch is fine."
She had a point. I was realizing the concept of curse words is very abstract.
"Alice, that word is so bad it hurts people's feelings when you say it. It makes people very sad if you call them that word."
"What if I had said witch bitch at school? I wouldn't have known it was bad and if I'd asked my teachers they might have thought I was calling them a witch bitch?"
Now I think she was on a mission to say bitch as many times as she could.
"Don't say that word at school, Alice. Not to your teachers or your friends. You don't want to hurt anyone's. feelings."
So that's that. Alice said bitch for the first time. Actually she said it for the first, second, third, fourth...it felt like she was never going to stop. I didn't laugh, I played it cool, but inside I was dying, listening to my innocent little sweet pea chanting bitch like she was....well, me. All in all, I think I passed this parenting moment with flying colors. I mean I'm not a pro, but I'm holding my own here in wonderland.