Monday, June 25, 2012

Do You Not Even Know Me At All???

Friday night I was fortunate enough to escape the jail cell I refer to as my house. I've served 4 years on an 18 year sentence. I hear there's a possibility for a work release program in the future. I'll keep you posted.

Anyway, Hatta and I were finally able to take advantage of parents night out at Alice's gymnastics school. For 30 bucks they will keep my kid alive for 3 and a half hours. Seemed worth it, so we signed her up, dropped her off 4 minutes early, and headed to the movies.

Snow White and the Huntsman has been on my must see list, with Charlize Theron as the wicked queen it was an easy sell to Hatta. I have to say, damn if I didn't find her evilness to be so damn hot. Though, I read glorified porn daily so my mind may just be in a constant state of arousal anyway.

A third of the way into the movie, Snow White rides off on a horse sans saddle. Hatta whispers to me, "Have you ever ridden bareback?"

To which I replied, "Do you not even know me at all?" followed by laughter I didn't attempt to stifle.

Let me fill you in on some background information. I got my first horse when I was about 6. I lived on a horse breeding farm the vast majority of my childhood. I traveled up and down the east, from Texas to Canada and practically all states between showing horses. To say horses were my life would have been an understatement. Hatta, having been my boyfriend since 1999, was privy to this horse knowledge. He still deals with the ramifications in our basement where I store my English saddle, show bridles, show halters, countless pairs of boots and garment bags of show clothes.

You can imagine my surprise at his question. Asking if I had ever ridden bareback was akin to asking me if I had green eyes and freckles. I suppose I should cut him some slack, he was watching Kristen Stewart galloping along on a horse. Maybe he was fantasizing and his brain wasn't quite working like it should.

Regardless, I was baffled at his ignorance. We've been together nearly 13 years. How is it possible he doesn't know such a simple thing about me? Does he just not care? Or should I chalk it up to him having a y chromosome? I believe so. The same reason he'd rather ask me the weather than look it up for himself, ask me if we have more toothpaste rather than look on the shelf, ask me if I've ever ridden bareback instead of think for himself. Yup, that's it, sounds about right.

To answer his question, since I was far too busy laughing and mocking him the other night, yes, I've ridden bareback. More times than I can recall. It's fun and impulsive.

12 comments:

  1. I must check out this glorified porn you speak of. Sounds...educational.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You must, ya know, for educational purposes.

      Delete
    2. I did it! I made a book club. Want to read with me? http://www.my-bookclub.com/bookclub/guilty-pleasures/

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Are you reading the glorified porn too?

      Delete
  3. To The Sarcasm Goddess- Yes, you should. And I want to start a smutty book club online so I have an excuse to read more...

    And Nelly, I lived with a man for 3 years, had more cups of coffee with him than any human should safely be able to consume (so I have more than 1 addiction, who's counting...) and, even though he knew I was allergic to milk, he offered me the milk pitcher every damn time. I think it's a Y chromosome thing. The technical term for the condition is called dumbassedness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup. I don't chew gum. Haven't...ever. Yet Hatta will still offer every time. I guess I shouldn't complain, at least he's trying to be considerate.

      Delete
    2. Silly men mean well, they just rarely have a clue. At least you know he loves you enough to share his gum and ask potentially inappropriate questions in the movie theater. (Really, bareback? While Kristin Stewart is riding around, Charlize Theron is being all hot and evil, and you're in the middle of reading smutty books?? Oh, Hatta....)

      Delete
  4. I'm betting it was sarcasm. That's what it is when *I* do it. . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So nice to have a male's opinion weighing in on the discussion.

      Delete
  5. I envious of your childhood. I've always wanted to get into horseback riding.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I'm envious of your ability to quickly run to the store to get a few things and, minus a child, it actually be quick.

      Delete