Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Dear Ole Dad In-law

Happy to report, I might just have a stalker. Relax, no need to be jealous quite yet. No one is hiding in the bushes with high tech photographic equipment taking pictures of me undressing. I haven't even received any cool hate mail, constructed entirely of hand cut magazine letters and blood.

I believe it's just my in-laws.

Pray tell, you ask, why are your in-laws tracking you down?

Easy. My old blog was crack to them. A highly addictive fix that got them through the day. I was their dealer, yet, I had no idea until their supply was cut off. I always suspected they were using, but never could be certain. They lurked in the shadows, enjoying my words, reading my thoughts aloud, never commenting, never saying a thing.

Until their son heavily tread on my free speech and I ended it all. Then, out of deranged withdrawal, they came forward. But not to me, mind you. Just to my husband. Wanting my intoxicating tales of their granddaughter.

A few days ago, my husband warned me, "My dad may or may not have a twitter account now."

"Okay. So? What's that even mean...he may or may not?"

"He does. My dad's on twitter. And he asked about your blog, if you were still blogging."

"Okay. Whatever."

Here's the thing. I'm easily found. I may be hiding out here as Nelly, but it wouldn't take long if someone really wanted to locate me. My old blog is still online. Many of the same people that commented then, comment now. And I like to return the favor to my few readers. My old twitter account is still in use, with many of the same followers. Connecting the dots is just a few clicks away. I'm okay with that. I don't need the anonymity. What I do need is for my cover not to be blown. I enjoy blogging. It's like therapy, only free and I don't have to cordinate appointments around sitter availability.

Dear dad-in-law...if you're reading this, please play by my rules. If you blow my cover, I'll have no choice but to blog privately. This time, don't let it be known that you lurk, certainly not to my husband. Don't quote directly from my posts in normal conversation. Read my blog secretly, just you and mom. Remember, inebriated family members tend to talk with loose lips. If you follow the code, things with be just fine. So, please, just try and be cool.


  1. I find it oddly uncomfortable when people try to discuss my blog in person. What happens in cyber land should stay in cyber land.

    1. I don't entirely disagree. But quoting my words without giving me due credit is quite uncomfortable as well.

  2. I hope, hope, hope that they can fly under the radar. Keep writing. <3

  3. Lol. This reminds me of the stupid thing that I did yesterday. My greatest life fear in blogging was that my mom would find my blog. Just last week I started posting my blog posts on my facebook account. I painstakingly created a limited list of all family members and people who could possible mention my blog to my mom and made sure to exclude the list from the status update. I even put my best friend on the list so he could confirm that he in fact could not see the status update. Yesterday my mother calls me to ask me if I intend for her to be reading my blog because she has read the last three that I posted on facebook. BECAUSE I PUT EVERYONE BUT HER ON THE LIST BECAUSE I"M A MORON.

    1. Oh. My. Yikes! At least she informed you so you could correct your error instead of silently reading post after post.