Monday, September 24, 2012

Addicted to a Certain Kind of Sadness

Bless me followers, for I have strayed. It has been seven days since my last post.

I haven't been able to write. Well, that's not entirely accurate...I haven't been able to write anything nice and as the saying goes, if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

Over the weekend, I drove to Hershey, Pa to attend the sold out Farm Aid. The line up was stacked with well known artists, young and old. It was an amaaazing festival, a great cause and mostly great music. One act, Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds, stood out from the rest.

Dave Matthews is a brilliant musician, I don't think anyone can dispute it. I will go above and beyond and say he's far more. He's a captivating storyteller and one hell of a performer. I watched him bare his soul again and again, song after song. Don't misunderstand, I'm not claiming Dave Matthews is all feelings, he has silly songs of fluff just like every artist. But, I found myself mesmerized by his uninhibited emotion as he sang lyrics that clearly meant something to him. And at that moment I realized maybe the saying should be changed.

If you have nothing nice to say, make sure you say it brilliantly.

Life has been hard for me lately. Eh, maybe it's been a little longer than lately. I feel as if the dominating thoughts in my mind are not nice, pleasant, peaches and cream kinds of thoughts. I'm swimming in the heavy, heart crushing ones. I've shared a few with you fine readers, but frankly I'm very concious of drowning my sorrows in my blog. No one enjoys reading a sad, woeful mess day after day.

I have no crystal ball and I haven't met with a physic; I have no knowledge of when my life will flip. But it has to happen. Eventually something has to give. Right? There's a lyric in Gotye's now famous song that concerns me. "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness." I think there is validity in that thought. I do not enjoy turmoil and drama in my life. I am, without a doubt, sure of this. It is fact. However, when you live something for too long it can become you. I experienced this with my mother's illness and as a new mom, it took a lot for me to pull myself out. As life tries to spin out of control, I do my best to mantain equilibrium staying focused on my sun and my moon. All my daily efforts working towards remaining grounded on her. When I embrace it, Alice can brighten the dreariest of days and I count my lucky stars she's in my life.


  1. OMG I love Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds. Their Live at Radio City is definitely in my top three favorite albums. So glad he could help lighten your load. Sending positive thoughts your way!

  2. I hope you feel tons better soon. ((((hugs)))) I had a really yucky summer and am just coming out of the ick over the last few days. Those are the times when we grow, even though it sucks HUGE. I wrote a post today on a burning ritual my friend and I did. I found it so helpful to work through the sadness and stress. Here's the link:

  3. We do not read your blog for only the funny stories you share. We read it because of the perspective you bring. And the way you communicate everything. Life is not all peaches and creme. And sometimes it's nice to know that someone else is feeling as sh*tty as you are. And is able to put it into words. So keep sharing the good and the bad... The highs and the lows. That's exactly why Dave Matthews is so brilliant and has lasted for so long. He communicates, so perfectly, the ups and downs in life. And is especially brilliant at singing about the really low, kick you when you're down, times. And as pathetic as it is , misery really does love company!

  4. That's an excellent way of looking at it. Sometimes all you need is something to anchor you while the rest of the world is floating away around you.

  5. So this is the part where I tell you that everything you are feeling is valid, and that there is nothing wrong at all with writing about it.

    I've known you through your writing long enough to know that you write your sorrows in pieces, only ever showing the tip of the iceberg. I know that in many ways, writing for you is therapeutic as it is for me. I also know that this is, in a lot of ways, a very necessary escape for you. Please don't change that. You need it as much as your readers do.

    I once had someone actually call me out and accuse my writing of being dark and melodramatic. You know what I did (only because I know this personal IRL and not just virtually)? I sat her down and shared what was ACTUALLY happening in my life. The things I won't write about or hardly ever touch on. Suddenly she went from saying I was a drama queen to asking me how the hell I manage to function without being curled up in the fetal position in the corner. Point being, I know you. I know that you are like me in this regard. You share only the pieces you want to let out.

    Usually our toughest critics are ourselves. Be gentle to yourself. Be kind. Embrace the feelings, whatever they are, and be honest in your writing.


  6. Perhaps more than the sorrows becoming you, is the that they begin to fold around us like a well-worn pair of jeans. Maybe they're too snug, perhaps the knees are torn, but wear them often enough and we no longer notice those things which used to irritate. Keep hanging on to your sweet rock.

  7. Hug! If you wrote a candy-coated, Disney-princess, American-apple-pie-in-the-sky blog, I'd probably lose interest after a couple of posts. You write about life, and sometimes life sucks ass. I'm sorry that it has to be that way for you right now, and I truly hope that things start looking up for you very soon. Until then, write it all down- the dark, the mopey, the petty complaints, anything and everything you have to say is worth saying. If people don't like it, it's not like anyone's forcing them to read your blog. Unless Alice is out there with an iPad and a gun...Do you really know that she's at preschool the whole time?

    You're always welcome at my place for wine and cookies (even if "my place" is the closet and you hide in there with a box of merlot and a tray of chips ahoy!)

  8. Here's another Hug. I think we can all relate to times in our Lives when it wasn't Sugarplums and Rainbows... and for some, it becomes our 'Normal' to function, as best we can, under less than Ideal circumstances and Issues of Life that are quite Challenging. Your Post is heartfelt and Real, and personally I find that refreshing even if the content is tinged with sadness and lots of emotions that aren't always of the positive persuasion. So glad you came for a Visit to my Blog so that I could also Discover yours! Here's Hoping we both find the end of the Rainbow that indicates the flip and breakthrough we've been waiting upon.

    Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian