The Napping House Where Nobody Is Sleeping

Alice still "naps." And by "naps" I mean around 1 o'clock we read books, I tuck her in bed, and as soon as she hears me descend the first stair step she gets out of bed, turns on the light and resumes playing whatever magical game I so rudely interrupted. Whether or not she naps is up to her, but she's shut in her room for nearly two hours. It's been like this for at least a year.

"Does she still nap?" is a question I'm asked a lot. I'm not sure why people are so enthralled with my child's napping habits, but clearly they are. It's a guarantee, when I tell them that even though I think she needs to nap, she probably only sleeps 2 out of 7 naps, the people have their opinions.

"She has too many distractions in her room. Here's what you need to do. Remove all of her toys and books. Then she'll have no choice but to sleep."

Really, Einstein? It's that simple. Why, oh why did I never think of that? Now tell me, when she starts using the clothes in her dresser as her own fashion show, what then? Am I supposed to remove her dresser as well? And when she resorts to counting and playing with her toes? Cut 'em off? I have tried this "bare bones solution." It doesn't work.

"Well, maybe this is her way of telling you she's growing up and doesn't need to nap anymore. Maybe mommy just needs to accept that nap time is over."

Brilliant. That has to be it! Just a sec though, when she's melting down around 4 o'clock every day because her brain just can't function anymore and she's tripping over her own feet because her body can't keep going, please do tell, what's your address so I can drive her to your house and you can entertain her delightfulness? My child still needs to nap. Without a doubt.

"You aren't tiring her out. From the moment she wakes up, you need to be providing her with physical stimulation so when nap time rolls around she's exhausted."

Let me get this straight, if I take her for a dog walk, a bike ride to the playground, and a trip to the bouncy house all before lunch time, that ought to do it, right? I've done that, and she didn't nap. The amount of energy she exerts is not related to the amount she sleep.

This is Alice. Some days she allows her body to sleep and some days she doesn't. A few days ago, I went in Alice's room during nap time to ever so kindly yell remind her to lay down and go to sleep. She wasn't in her bed or her chair, but her closet door was shut. She has a small cubby in her closet and it's the only hiding place in her room. I, assuming she was hiding, decided not to feed into her game and quietly left her room. At 5 o'clock, I returned to fetch her. Nap time never lasts past 5 unless I'm reading a life stopping trilogy. I walked into her room and still no Alice. I opened her closet and there she was huddled in the corner, asleep. When I roused her I asked the obvious, "why were you sleeping in your closet? Were you reading and you fell asleep."

"No Mama. There was a bug. In my room. I was hiding from it. You know, bugs can't get you in your closet."

So, the next time some well meaning old lady suggests my daughter has too much stimulation in her room. I'll likely retort, "Or not enough bugs. A faulty ant farm might fix my napping problem.

Threshold

Over the past few days recovering from my wretched wisdom teeth surgery, I've learned a few things.

First, my body doesn't like narcotics very much. You never have to worry about me scouring the market for recreational prescription drugs. What I was prescribed, however weak and lame my husband insisted they were, left me nauseous, vomiting, and unable to eat.

Second, I can not tolerate eating bland, boring soft foods. By the fourth day I was licking the cool ranch off the Doritos. I've been forced to watch Hatta eat two subs since my surgery. The first a juicy cheeseburger sub on a crunchy roll, with sourdough pretzels on the side. The second a chicken cheesesteak. And even though they screwed up his order and added mayo, I would have maimed to have eaten that sub. Like a death row inmate, I'm already creating my "last meal" list, though I suppose in this situation it should be called my "first meals."

Third, in my absence, my daughter will exist on cheese and crackers. I'm not sure why, but she ate cheese and crackers at nearly every meal.

And finally, I learned the exact number of days of my husbands stay at home dad/caretaker threshold. Two. Just two. The first two days of my recovery, Hatta was stellar. He was doting on me and there for my every need, while he was executing the upmost patience with Alice. On the third day, everything changed. He still offered to help me out and he still took care of Alice's needs, though now everything was met with a sigh and an exasperated tone. He was exhausted and out of patience. I listened to him deteriorate as the days went by. I felt for him. He was out of his element. He was in my world now, and I can honestly say, he's not cut out for it. But I do commend him for putting forth a valiant effort. He really was spot on those first two days.

In Case I Die

Alice loves fruit...sort of. If you give her a bowl of blueberries and strawberries, she won't eat them. But if you take that same bowl of fruit, add other fruits, tofu, and yogurt, throw it all in the food processor, she'll eat it. I make smoothies and popsicles daily. I'm a good mom. It occurred to me over the weekend that my husband has never made Alice a smoothie. Because I was short on time and had other things to do in the kitchen, I had to verbally walk my husband through the process. And I said to him, "now if I die, at least you know how to make a smoothie."

Tomorrow morning, I will be having my wisdom teeth removed. I've read that things that can go wrong. I could have permanent nerve damage, never being able to move my tongue again, or worse, death. Even though I have been reassured that the odds are in my my favor I will not die of anesthesia and many people endure this rite of passage and come out unscathed, I find it better to err on the side of pessimism caution.

I present to you my list of things someone needs to know in case I, um, well...just in case.

• The sewing kit is on the second shelf in the hutch.
• Water my plants. If my ficus tree or the orchid in the bathroom dies, I'll haunt you.
• Library books are due Friday. Late fees suck.
• Ramen noodles rock. I expect someone to teach Alice the fine art of making an oodles of noodles sandwich.
• White vinegar and baking soda will clean just about anything.
• When making aforementioned smoothies, don't add raspberries or blackberries. She hates the seeds.
• A little MSG will not kill you. Moderation is the spice of life.
• I have hand-me-downs organized in the basement up to size 6. After that, you're on your own.
• Pine shats are the best type of mulch.
• I wish to be cremated. Do not spend money on a fancy urn to hold my ashes. A cardboard box is a sufficient container to transport me. Please spread my ashes in my grandmothers cottage garden and in the ocean.
• Speaking of ashes, the remains of my childhood dog is in my basement. Please spread him in the garden with me and also in the pond behind my mother's old house.
• Wear sunscreen. Alice, like myself, is fair skinned. Don't let her burn.
• When life is shitty, there's nothing wrong with getting ice cream or cake to try and cheer yourself up.
• On Valentine's day, send Alice balloons to school...every year.
• You can never spoil a child by buying too many books.
• I'll save you the time looking. I do not have a 9x13 baking pan.
• The upholstery attachment for the vacuum is under the kitchen sink.
• Don't wash the black cloth napkins with anything else. No matter how much I wash them, they still bleed.
• Continue to remind my daughter that she is brilliant and beautiful and unique.

I suppose that will do for now. Besides, I'm sure I'll be just fine tomorrow. Nothing to worry about. Piece of cake.

Issues

Quite a few years ago, Hatta and I lived with his grandmother. Her husband had recently died and she had developed lameness of some sort. The cause, knee surgery...broken hip, escapes me at the moment. Regardless, it wasn't safe for her to be living alone, so we moved in temporarily. Before moving in, we attemped to convert the upstairs into "our space." We cleaned. We painted. We tried to make it feel like home. But, it didn't change things. We never settled in at her house. We left the vast majority of our belongings boxed up, only unpacking necessities. We never felt at home there.

Meanwhile, life kept turning during the brief time we lived there. I changed careers and even though it was what I wanted to do, it was emotionally hard. My mother's illness became much more prominent. I vividly remember having a phone conversation trying to convince her of the severity of her illness. Previously, we had been living in the city and loved it. Moving in with Hatta's grandmother meant us moving to the county, and not an area of the county we usually frequented. We became homesick, in a sense. I developed county allergies. Literally. I guess my system wasn't used to the trees, grass, and pollen because that spring I had asthmatic allergies like I've never had since.

Those few months were hard, but we made it thought them. When his grandmother was well again, Hatta and I moved back to the city, into the same house we had lived in before, only this time the larger first floor apartment was vacant. So, really, it all did work out for the best.




I shared this story with you to help explain where I'm at right now...blog speaking. I used to write elsewhere. And even though I know A Tea Tray in the Sky is not temporary, it doesn't feel like my home. I'm having a hard time getting settled in. My belongings are still boxed up. I haven't even picked out paint colors. I'm terribly homesick. Meanwhile, the trials and tribulations of life are still spinning around, making this whole settling in process even harder. But, like before, I will make it through and come out for the better on the other side. Please bear with me as I try to get adjusted here. Possibly my feng shui is off. Maybe my colors aren't projecting the right energy or I should just add a mirror.